It ain't goodbye just yet
by BTRluffer
Summary: One and a half year, that's what they told me. I needed to find a donor... Because he couldn't say goodbye just yet. Kendall is becoming sicker every day. He needs his friends and family now more than ever. Because it looks like he would soon have to say goodbye to that one thing he enjoys doing most. Making music for his fans.


**AN: I'd like to start with telling you guys that this story is inspired on real life. My mother is currently very sick and I can see it getting worse every single day. She is waiting for a kidney, but it will probably take to long until she gets one. I'm trying to write this just how I'm experiencing what's going on in my life right now. It will be reality based and most of it has happened in real. Life is really hard on me these days and I felt like I had to put my feelings onto paper. Hopefully you'll enjoy this. Here is: It ain't goodbye just yet.**

**I do not own Big Time Rush. **

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As he walked towards his car he felt like the world was crashing down on him. He had always thought he would be fine. He had known something was wrong, but the doctors had always told him it was nothing to worry about. And it never really was, never, until now.

He had went to the hospital for his yearly check-up. Being someone who had an horrid past considering his kidney's, he had to be checked up now and then. But it wasn't like he had been worried about it. It was just something he had to get over with. Something that just had to be done. His last doctor had been moved to another hospital so he had gotten a new one. An nice guy, who knew where he was talking about. Everything had been going normal, doing some test, waiting, getting the results. Nothing to worry about. At least, that was what he had thought. But as soon as he walked into the doctors office, who had been carefully studying the testing results. He instantly knew something was wrong. It was just the look on the men's face. The men had looked up and opened his mouth.

''Mister Knight, have you already started to think about finding a donor?'' And that's when everything faded. What the hell was the man talking about? He knew he didn't have world's best kidneys, but an donor? He slowly shook his head. It took him a while to find his voice.

''They never said it was that bad.'' The doctor seemed to be surprised. ''They didn't?' The men looked back into his papers. ''That's strange,because according to this, your old doctor already knew you were worsening, that it was only a matter of time.'' From the inside, Kendall exploded with anger. They knew this was coming but the never minded to tell him?! He tried to stay calm as much as he could, but he couldn't help but to let out an angry sigh.

''I'm really sorry for the way's things did Mr. Knight.'' The look in the elder men's eyes was enough to see that he really was. ''I will be honest with you. As far as these results go, and considering your health doesn't fall back faster as it does now, you will need an kidney in about one and a half year.''

One and a half year was nothing. It was enough time to become America's new boyband. It had been enough to fill James' biggest dream. And it was going to be just enough to make himself deadly sick, if it wouldn't be even sooner. The doctor kept on talking about all kind of important stuff. About what he could do to make himself feel better. About an diet he would have to follow from now on. About donor stuff. Kendall felt like he was sitting there forever. He listened to what the doctor had to say, but at the same time his mind was somewhere far, far away. He would occasionally nod, would even ask some questions. His brains were working way to hard and he could feel an headache coming up. He thought about how he came here thinking about tons of other stuff. How he had planned to go the studio right after this was done. About what his mom would cook him and the guy's for dinner and how they would hang out at the pool after it. Now he was sitting here in an uncomfortable plastic chair, realizing how much his life would change from this point on.

''Well that was everything for now. I will see you next week.'' The doctor stood up and walked towards the door, letting Kendall out. ''Ohh and Mr. Knight, I realize this might be really hard on you now. But never forget about the good things in your life, it will make this process a lot more easier for you if you do.'' Kendall nodded once more and walked out.

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When he got in his car he sat there for a couple of minutes. He didn't want to go to Rocque Record, but he didn't want to go to home either. He started the engine and drove just around town. He stopped his car in front of a park and sat down on the most deserted bench he could find. He felt how tears slowly started to fall down his face. He had to stay strong. He was the unofficial leader of Big Time Rush for god sake! And here he was, crying on a bench like an baby. Yet, the tears only started to stream faster and faster. He didn't care for now. Life had changed so much in such an short amount of time.

How would he tell his friends? Would BTR survive this? Not if was nothing more than a sick boy laying in his bed all day. Which was indeed the case in just a matter of months. He would have to get a donor, but where? One thing he knew for sure, he was not giving up without a fight. Before he knew it was getting dark and he realized his friends must have started to get worried. He looked at his phone to see he had an ton of messages and missed calls from Kelly, all three of the guy's and his mom. He quickly replied an text from Logan saying he was on his way home and that they didn't need to be worried. Not now, at least. He washed away the stains of his tears and got back in the car. He was going to be strong, he had to.

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But as soon as he walked into apartment 2J his face dropped again. His mother came running up to im. Asking where he had been and that he should have called and that she was on the verge of calling the cops. He looked over his mother's shoulders to see the guy's playing videogames at the big orange couch. Logan had stopped paying attention to the game to look at Kendall, also with a worried expression. He wanted to tell them, but not tonight, not yet. When his mom finally let go of him he looked in her big, with concern filled eyes.

''Kendall, what did the doctor say?'' She asked. He wanted to walk away. But when he tried to escape to his room his mother grabbed his wrist, making him stop.

''I don't wanna talk about it.'' He felt the tears coming up once again. By now his friends had joined his mother. Everyone looked at him with concern. He couldn't take it, it was to much. That's when he broke down and let the tears and the fear and everything else take over. The world faded around him. The whole world, except of his family that took him in one big embrace.

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**Soo... I really hope you guys liked this. I know that this wasn't a very long chaper but I had to start with this. Also don't worry because the other guy's will be seen a lot more in the following chapters. Like I said, I just really needed to start it this way. So once again, hope you liked it and please leave an review if you'd like. They really make my day you know :p**


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